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Posts Tagged ‘learn to be an active listener for this will make the other person feel appreciated and understood’

Saying and Meaning

Tuesday, August 11th, 2009

This is another article which is part of my writings meant to be published on the philosophical blog – The Philosophers Chair. By giving it a “relationship” twist it became more suitable for Totally Useless, or not?

Saying and Meaning
by Tatiana Velitchkov © 2009

Being a basic tool in good communication, saying and meaning is the greatest part of clarity since it conveys a message that is understandable to the other person. Clarity is expressing one self in an open and honest way. This one ensures that no inconveniences will arise at the end of the conversation.

Expressing your feelings to your partner is very vital. This is a cause factor when it comes to the type of bond that you and your partner would like to establish. It is important to understand that everyone deserves a chance to convey their stand. This does not mean that you should stick to each other’s view but coming into the consensus is all logical. Everyone’s point of view should be granted all the due respect.

It is very important to abandon anger when you are passing out any point of view. Realizing that everyone has the opportunity to express their feelings does not grant you permission to express them anyway, but honestly. Some people get it wrong when they tend to believe that expression that is accompanied by anger will make everything work. Little do they know that this one can polarize the relationship. The only way out is conveying a more vulnerable feeling, which poses a challenge to your partner and, hence makes them less defensive and open to developing a caring response.

It is really disgusting to realize that you blame someone for your feelings. The statement that we try to pass across has their way of doing it. You could be blaming your partner but the best way is to do it indirectly for instance “you make me mad” is a direct attack which makes your partner responsible for your feelings instead of saying “I am mad” which will give them the opportunity to start nursing your feelings. Ensure that you own your feeling.

It is important also to realize conveyance of all you want your partner to do. Avoid using the “should” statements but rather, pass it across using the desires that you own by saying “I want you to … or even I would be happy if you did…” this does not mean that all your desires will be honored at once or having unclear statements.

To ensure that all what is said is meant, think about the outcome by taking your time, learn to be an active listener for this will make the other person feel appreciated and understood. Proving to your partner that you are fully listening will attract the real meaning and, hence both of you should understand that listening is not passive.

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And here is a really awesome video called Quest for Meaning – My Philosophy of Life with music by Tracy Chapman

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