Saying and Meaning
This is another article which is part of my writings meant to be published on the philosophical blog – The Philosophers Chair. By giving it a “relationship” twist it became more suitable for Totally Useless, or not?
Saying and Meaning
by Tatiana Velitchkov © 2009
Being a basic tool in good communication, saying and meaning is the greatest part of clarity since it conveys a message that is understandable to the other person. Clarity is expressing one self in an open and honest way. This one ensures that no inconveniences will arise at the end of the conversation.
Expressing your feelings to your partner is very vital. This is a cause factor when it comes to the type of bond that you and your partner would like to establish. It is important to understand that everyone deserves a chance to convey their stand. This does not mean that you should stick to each other’s view but coming into the consensus is all logical. Everyone’s point of view should be granted all the due respect.
It is very important to abandon anger when you are passing out any point of view. Realizing that everyone has the opportunity to express their feelings does not grant you permission to express them anyway, but honestly. Some people get it wrong when they tend to believe that expression that is accompanied by anger will make everything work. Little do they know that this one can polarize the relationship. The only way out is conveying a more vulnerable feeling, which poses a challenge to your partner and, hence makes them less defensive and open to developing a caring response.
It is really disgusting to realize that you blame someone for your feelings. The statement that we try to pass across has their way of doing it. You could be blaming your partner but the best way is to do it indirectly for instance “you make me mad” is a direct attack which makes your partner responsible for your feelings instead of saying “I am mad” which will give them the opportunity to start nursing your feelings. Ensure that you own your feeling.
It is important also to realize conveyance of all you want your partner to do. Avoid using the “should” statements but rather, pass it across using the desires that you own by saying “I want you to … or even I would be happy if you did…” this does not mean that all your desires will be honored at once or having unclear statements.
To ensure that all what is said is meant, think about the outcome by taking your time, learn to be an active listener for this will make the other person feel appreciated and understood. Proving to your partner that you are fully listening will attract the real meaning and, hence both of you should understand that listening is not passive.
– * – * – * – * -
And here is a really awesome video called Quest for Meaning – My Philosophy of Life with music by Tracy Chapman
Tags: both of you should understand that listening is not passive, Clarity is expressing one self in an open and honest way, ensure that you own your feeling, everyone’s point of view should be granted all the due respect, expressing your feelings to your partner is very vital, it is very important to abandon anger when you are passing out any point of view, learn to be an active listener for this will make the other person feel appreciated and understood, Saying and Meaning, saying and meaning is the greatest part of clarity, youtube video - Quest for Meaning - My Philosophy of Life
August 11th, 2009 at 6:19 am
Excellent post. I guess it all comes down to communication, patience, and understanding. My wife, who’s more patient than I am, has really shown me that reflection is the key. Rather than initial reaction, take an extra pause to really understand the situation, then reply. Seems to work for us!
HermanTurnip´s last blog ..The Past, Present, & Future Of Music
August 11th, 2009 at 10:51 am
Hi kassandra, you chose the right blog to express this feeling, with a lot of sensible words that people should take note off.
Thanks for your nice comments in my blog. Catch you later.
Donald Swarbrick´s last blog ..It was a freezing cold December morning.
August 13th, 2009 at 1:21 am
Great post, some good advice couples should heed but often don’t, love the video, an excellent touch to your post.
Bob´s last blog ..The Terra-Cotta Army
August 13th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
Nice, insightful post. Especially the bit about not being didactic. “You should do this” or “You have to go this” is so destructive…. Nooo one likes being told what to do, and yet people seem to thing it’s a good way of addressing a problem in a relationship.
August 14th, 2009 at 3:45 am
It is indeed very destructive when one expresses opinion with anger. In one of the seminars i attended regarding communication, the speaker reiterated that if and when we express our own opinion, specially emotions, we have to focus in our own emotion, without yielding any judgmental comment. Being judgmental sparks argument and creates a more heated argument.
August 18th, 2009 at 2:59 am
This post says it all. Listening and taking a moment to analyze is the key to us. Often we do jump into hot water, and all we do is make that water steam even more, instead of cooling it down. Excellent post, and I don’t think it is totally useless, its more like totally useful. Anna
Anna´s last blog ..Digital Postcard Series: Wonders of the McKenzie Marsh, Aurora Marshland